


Silver Lining

by TheRealKags



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Cancer, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Major Illness, Near Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seizures, Sick Character, Sick Hinata Shouyou, Sick Kageyama Tobio, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-05-02 20:12:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14552625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealKags/pseuds/TheRealKags
Summary: Kageyama exhaled.Where was the silver lining?





	1. Message Man

**Author's Note:**

> i know i already have two stories in progress but i’ve been working on this for a while so yea  
> also all of the chapter titles will be twenty one pilots songs because i’m ~emo~

Kageyama Tobio was not a happy person.

 

That’s not to say that he didn’t have fleeting moments of prosperity or joy, but, in general, he wasn’t happy. It’s hard to be happy when you’re sick all the time.

 

Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease was what Kageyama suffered from. COPD has always been described as “an elephant on your chest” and as a disease that plagues the elderly. Kageyama knows better than to believe anything that statistics and odds have to say. They mean nothing when you’re twelve years old and you’re admitted in the emergency room for the first time of many.

 

Now, at sixteen, Kageyama was being admitted once again. It had been happening so often lately that he was being brought to a residential floor. Great, that’s just what he needed- more sad, sick people for Kageyama to be sad and sick with.

 

Friends came and went. Even before he got sick, Kageyama really didn’t have any friends. After he got sick, the few people that seemed to find him tolerable left. Well, everyone except Oikawa and Iwaizumi- though, Kageyama wouldn’t really consider them to be his friends, per se, more like annoying older brothers. They spent as much time as they could at the hospital when Kageyama was stuck there and though he was grateful, being stuck in bed while Oikawa won’t stop talking about the latest conspiracy theories isn’t exactly fun.

 

Kageyama Tobio was not a happy person.

 

Especially not when he’s being wheeled into the residential wing of the hospital, the place where people come and don’t leave for months- or sometimes ever. Kageyama’s mother said he’d be discharged soon, though. He chose to believe her, even though it was probably just wishful thinking.

 

She was always optimistic. Even when Kageyama’s lung collapsed on Christmas Eve, she seemed convinced that he’d be home to open presents the next morning. Even when he had to carry an oxygen tank with him to school, she always said that he’d get back into sports sometime. Even when they put him on the very bottom of the lung transplant list, she swore that he’d get a lung sometime soon.

 

Even when Kageyama’s dad left, she promised that they’d be okay. When she had to take on two jobs at once, she still said she’d be home for his birthday. When Kageyama was stripped of his independence by basically needing a babysitter, she still told him he had a bright future.

 

Kageyama Tobio was not a happy person.

 

He was definitely not happy when he was wheeled into a hospital room that had another person in it.

 

“Wait,” he said. The nurse pushing his wheelchair stopped and he looked up at him. “I have to have a roommate?”

 

“We’re short on beds,” the nurse said. “But don’t worry, I think you two will get along. If you don’t, you can request a room change.”

 

The boy on the bed closest to the window was staring at him as he got situated on the bed, untangling his oxygen tubing. His mother set his bag down on a chair before the nurse beckoned her out to sign papers. Kageyama looked over at the boy, and the boy started.

 

“I’m Hinata,” he said nervously. “Hinata Shouyou. I have a brain tumor. What about you?”

 

Kageyama stared. “I think it’s kind of obvious that my lungs don’t work,” he said, gesturing to his oxygen.

 

“Okay, fine,” Hinata said, crossing his arms. “I guess I’m not going to introduce you to everyone else on the ward.”

 

Kageyama sat there, looking anywhere but at Hinata. When he finally did train his eyes on him, he sighed.

 

“Kageyama,” he said. “I’m Kageyama Tobio. I have COPD.”

 

Hinata looked over at him with a small smile. “Nice to meet you, Kageyama.”

 

When his mother came back in, she said goodbye to her son tearfully. She said she had to go to work and that she’d be back as soon as she could. Kageyama told her not to worry, that he’d be fine because he’s been in hospitals before, he was used to it by this point and he didn’t need her constant supervision. She seemed too overwhelmed to notice that Hinata was even in the room, and the boy didn’t make a sound.

 

“Your mom seems nice,” Hinata said once Kageyama’s mom left. “It’s good that she wants to be here all the time. Some of us don’t get many visitors, so we really rely on each other. Oh, that reminds me! Wanna go meet everyone else? Most of them are probably in the common room.”

 

“Uh, sure,” Kageyama replied.

 

He stood up from his bed, grabbing his oxygen tank and wheeling it behind him as he walked towards the door. He looked behind him and saw Hinata struggling to get out of bed, a pair of forearm crutches barely enough to keep him upright.

 

He waited for Hinata to hobble his way to the door before asking, “Do you want me to get you a wheelchair?”

 

“No,” Hinata said determinedly. “I’m fine!”

 

Kageyama let Hinata take the lead as they walked a short distance down the hallway before they reached an opening that had several chairs and tables in it. Many of the chairs were filled with other teenagers whose faces lit up upon seeing them.

 

“Hinata!” A short boy with a strip of blond in his otherwise dark hair stood and made his way over to them. “It’s good to see you up! Who’s this?”

 

“This is my new roommate,” Hinata said proudly. “His name is Kageyama!”

 

“Hey, Kageyama,” the boy said. “I’m Nishinoya!”

 

Kageyama shook the boy’s hand but before Nishinoya could say anything else, another boy with silver hair came up behind him.

 

“Noya,” he said. “You should be more like Kageyama who actually wears his oxygen. Go to your room and get it.” Nishinoya deflated and walked down the hallway glumly. The boy turned back to him. “I’m Sugawara,” he said. “You can just call me Suga. Fair warning, I’m crazy. Or, at least, that’s what everyone says. Nice meeting you!”

 

The boy walked away and Hinata spoke. “He has a brain tumor, too. His is in a different spot, though, and it makes him... moody- and a little unpredictable.”

 

Kageyama nodded in acknowledgement and Hinata gasped.

 

“Tanaka! How’s it going?”

 

Hinata walked away to talk with friends when Kageyama was approached by another boy, this one with dark hair and an almost yellow tint to his skin.

 

“I’m Daichi,” he said. “I’m glad that you and Hinata are getting along. He’s been struggling since his old roommate passed away. I’m glad he won’t be alone all the time anymore.”

 

Kageyama felt himself frown. The facts were that, apparently, Hinata didn’t come out of his room often and that his roommate had died. These kids seemed to be sicker than Kageyama was.

 

“I see you’ve met Daichi,” Suga said, coming up behind him and diluting the thick atmosphere. “Has he told you about his alcoholism yet?”

 

Daichi smiled. “Just because my liver is failing doesn’t mean I’m an alcoholic. I never had a drink before I got sick and certainly not after.”

 

Suga snickered. “Okay, whatever you say.”

 

Hinata came up to their group. “I’ll finish introducing you to everyone,” he said.

 

He did. Kageyama met a lanky blond boy with a blood disorder. His name was Tsukishima and apparently he was a “notorious jerkface” and Hinata swore he had “Jackass Syndrome.” There was also a boy named Yamaguchi whose face was hidden behind a mask because he didn’t have any immune system. Kageyama had never met anyone with a disorder like that.

 

Then there was Tanaka, a boy who was loud and put on a scary face when Kageyama approached. He described his kidney failure as “I have a bit of a pissing issue” and Hinata snickered at the statement. The next person Kageyama met was Asahi, who Hinata said was a gentle giant with heart failure. He was still in the early stages, but he was in enough danger to be put on a transplant list, like Daichi and Tanaka. Hinata also explained that Nishinoya had Cystic Fibrosis, which was why he was so tiny and was supposed to wear oxygen.

 

Then, they were just standing around and talking. Hinata began to pant and shake after a while, and people kept asking him if he wanted to sit down but he swore he was fine standing, he positively swore it.

 

He was wrong.

 

A couple of minutes into their conversation, in which Kageyama only listened because he really didn’t have anything to talk about and couldn’t believe he actually had some friends, Hinata mumbled something.

 

“What?” Noya asked.

 

“Catch me,” Hinata said.

 

For a split second everything was fine. Kageyama was confused, but there was a brief moment where nothing happened and everything was still.

 

After that second, Hinata was falling. Nishinoya caught him as he fell, crutches going down with him, and lowered him to the floor while he shook and gasped. Once he was on the floor, everyone was ushered away by the nurses and residents on the ward. Kageyama’s view was obscured and when he tried to get through, to see what was happening, he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to see Suga standing behind him.

 

“He gets seizures sometimes,” Suga said. “It takes some getting used to, but it’s a normal thing for him.”

 

Kageyama looked between Hinata and Suga. “Is he okay?”

 

“He always is,” Suga said. “He’ll wake up soon. We should probably go back to our rooms.”

 

Kageyama took one more look back at Hinata in time to see his shaking stop. Then the nurse who brought him in guided him back to his room. He sat down on his bed and watched when a few minutes later, Hinata was brought in past him in a wheelchair. He had his head in his hands and the nurses with him had to practically lift him up onto his bed. Hinata wordlessly laid down and went to sleep. Kageyama watched him for a moment, afraid he’d start shaking and gasping for air once again, but he didn’t. He stayed still, save for the rise and fall of his chest in breathing.

 

Kageyama Tobio was not a happy person.

 

Especially not when this kid was dying. He wasn’t sure how long it would be or how long he’d been sick for, but it was obvious that things weren’t going well.

 

Kageyama hoped he’d never get to that point.


	2. The Judge

The day dragged on and Hinata didn’t wake up. Kageyama kept reminding himself that he shouldn’t be worried because no one else was, that this was apparently normal for Hinata, but he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. The ginger barely even moved in his sleep and the only thing that made Kageyama sure that he was alive was the heart monitor that he was hooked up to.

 

Late that night, Kageyama received a text. It was Oikawa, saying that he and Iwaizumi would come visit the next day. Kageyama sighed, but he also found himself with a smile on his face. His friends were pretty... something.

 

It was late the next morning when Hinata stirred and his eyes opened. Kageyama woke up early, like he usually did, so he basically watched TV and ate his breakfast while Hinata continued to sleep. This mysterious roommate of his that he only got to talk to for a couple of hours before he seized and slept for hours on end.

 

“Hey,” Kageyama said when he saw Hinata’s eyes peeking out from under his covers.

 

“Hi,” Hinata responded groggily. “How long have I been asleep?”

 

“Like...” Kageyama checked the time. “Fifteen hours.”

 

Hinata raised his eyebrows. “Wow, I should probably eat something.”

 

He grabbed his remote and pressed a button and a nurse came in soon after. She checked his vitals and Hinata kept making jokes about how he was “still kicking” and the nurse laughed. He asked for food and she took his order before heading down to the cafeteria to get it.

 

“Did you already eat,” Hinata asked.

 

“It’s like eleven,” Kageyama deadpanned. “Of course I ate.”

 

Hinata pouted. “Fine, Grumpy-yama, be that way.”

 

They sat in silence, Kageyama watching the TV while Hinata situated himself back on his pillow. He started to doze off again- how the hell can someone sleep that much?- but woke up again when his food was brought to him.

 

At around noon it was time for Kageyama’s breathing treatment. These were always tedious and left Kageyama feeling jittery and anxious, but it didn’t matter as long as he could breathe, right? He held the mask up to his face and breathed, his chest eventually loosening and his lungs responding. It was strange, he wasn’t usually aware of how horrible his breathing was until he had a treatment and it got better. Kageyama was used to barely getting enough oxygen.

 

“Why do you have to do that?” Hinata mused.

 

“So I don’t die,” Kageyama said into the mask.

 

“Well duh,” Hinata said. “But what happens if you don’t do it?”

 

Kageyama thought for a second. “I die.”

 

Hinata deflated. “You know what? I don’t think I can be friends with you.“

 

“Oh really?”

 

The two of them looked to the door and there stood Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

 

“I find Tobio’s pessimism to be amusing,” Oikawa continued. “You get used to it.”

 

“Oikawa, Iwaizumi, this is Hinata,” Kageyama said. “He’s really dumb. Hinata, this is Oikawa and Iwaizumi. They just might be dumber.”

 

“Ha!” Hinata laughed. “Maybe I can be your friend after all! You said I’m smarter than them!”

 

“Actually,” Iwaizumi said. “He called all of us dumb.”

 

Finally, Kageyama’s breathing treatment was over. Usually when he finished, he could go an hour or so without using his oxygen because that’s “the magic of medicine,” as his mother called it. In Kageyama’s opinion, there was no magic. It was a simple trade- he breathes just a little bit better for a small amount of time in exchange for his good mood, as the medicine always put him on edge.

 

Kageyama got up from his bed and Oikawa yelled after him.

 

“Hey, Tobio, where are you going? Tired of us already?”

 

Kageyama stared. “First of all, I’m going to the bathroom. Calm down, I didn’t think you had separation anxiety. Second, yes, I am tired of you.”

 

He entered the bathroom and heard the rest of their conversations.

 

“Is he always like that?” Hinata asked. “At first I thought it was because he didn’t want to be here, then I thought it was because he got weirded out about my seizure, but now I’m not sure.”

 

“He’s always like that,” Oikawa said.

 

“Not always,” Iwaizumi interjected. “He’s just going through a lot. Remember when he was first diagnosed? When he was in the hospital for like three weeks?”

 

“Oh yeah!” Oikawa exclaimed. “He was a total ass then! Even though he was barely in middle school!”

 

Kageyama finished and exited, sending Oikawa a glare, to which Oikawa stuck his tongue out in return.

 

They continued to talk and this time it was sudden and unexpected when Hinata started seizing. Oikawa shrieked and Iwaizumi ran out of the room, grabbing the nearest person in scrubs and dragging them inside. A curtain was drawn on Hinata’s side of the room so they couldn’t see anything, but they could hear the gasping sounds and the ruffling of his blankets. Eventually he stopped and Kageyama could hear the hushed voices of nurses asking him questions, Hinata’s slurred voice responding.

 

“Lights,” Kageyama was able to make out.

 

A nurse peeked around the curtain. “Would one of you boys hit the lights please?”

 

Iwaizumi did so, reaching around Oikawa who was too freaked out to do anything.

 

“Is he okay?” Oikawa stuttered.

 

“Brain tumor,” Kageyama explained. “Apparently it happens all the time. Last time he slept for more than half a day afterwards.”

 

The curtain was drawn back after a few minutes and Hinata was facing them on the bed.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m going to sleep.”

 

The talking dwindled down to nothing after that, seeing as the life of the party just had a seizure and fell asleep. “Dumb and dumber,” as Kageyama called them, had to go to volleyball practice at some point, so they ended up leaving, and Kageyama did some sleeping of his own.

 

Days passed and each one involved Hinata seizing and sleeping, seizing and sleeping. It was really no way to live, but Kageyama figured that Hinata would never want his pity. That being said, Kageyama couldn’t help but hate the universe for giving someone like him a brain tumor.

 

On Kageyama’s fifth day there, Nishinoya walked into their room, a bright smile on his face.

 

“Guys!” He exclaimed. “We’re going on a field trip!”

 

Hinata sat up. “A field trip? Awesome! I can’t wait to get out of here!”

 

“Where are we going,” Kageyama asked.

 

“We might be going to the courtyard,” Nishinoya said. “The doctor said that the air quality is good, so you and I would be able to go!”

 

Kageyama couldn’t help but feel excited. It had only been a few days since he felt the sun on his face and he already missed it. He couldn’t imagine what it was like for those who were inpatient for an extended amount of time- though he knew he’d find out soon.

 

Soon, a nurse came into their room, pushing a wheelchair in front of him. Hinata sat up, ready to get up when the nurse stopped him.

 

“Sorry, Hinata,” he said. “This is for Kageyama. Your doctor doesn’t think you’re stable enough to go.”

 

Hinata’s eyes immediately went wide and watery. “But why? I’m fine!”

 

The nurse looked at him sympathetically. “You’re averaging at three seizures a day, even when you’re asleep. If there’s a chance of you having a seizure when you’re out, you need to be near a defibrillator because your heart-“

 

“Could stop,” Hinata finished bitterly. “I know.”

 

The nurse looked back to Kageyama. “Let’s get going.”

 

Kageyama looked back to Hinata, then to the chair. Then back at Hinata. The angry look on Hinata’s face softened.

 

“Go,” he said. “You don’t want to pass this up. You never know if you’ll be able to go on the next one, so go while you can.”

 

Kageyama nodded and before he knew it, he was being wheeled off of the ward and down a series of hallways. He really wished he could’ve walked, but he knew that the distance from his room to the courtyard would be far too long and he’d get far too winded. When they walked out the door, there were cheers and whoops and laughter from the other boys. Kageyama stood from his chair and stepped into the sunlight and looked at the sky. His eyes stung but the feeling of the wind rushing through his hair was worth it.

 

Then he felt the guilt. Kageyama looked back to the hospital and though he couldn’t figure out where his room was, he knew Hinata was just wishing to get out. He wished he could bring the fresh air and the warm wind up to his room.

 

The guilt stayed the rest of the outing, even throughout the lunch that was brought out to them. It tasted great- better now that they were eating outside- but it didn’t get rid of the bitter taste in Kageyama’s mouth.

 

Eventually they went back inside. Kageyama was sad to go, as was everyone else, but he was also tired. It was an eventful day and it wore him out. When he got back to the room, Hinata was sleeping and soon, Kageyama was, too.


	3. Stressed Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the wait. :)

The days came and went and somehow, in an incredibly sterile and sanitary environment, Kageyama managed to get sick.

 

It was just a cold, really. Well, at least, it would’ve been for any normal person. The last time Kageyama got a cold, he almost died.

 

At first he thought he was going to have to be moved to isolation again, but they said that as long as he doesn’t leave his room then he was fine. It shouldn’t be contagious and even if it were, Hinata getting a little head cold wouldn’t be the end of the world.

 

“Kageyama,” Hinata said almost every twenty minutes. “How do you feel now?”

 

“I feel like I want to sleep,” Kageyama snapped. “Be quiet.”

 

Hinata pouted and Kageyama did sleep. The tables have turned because this time it was Hinata watching TV while Kageyama slept the day away. He heard someone come in with breakfast, then lunch, but didn’t sit up to eat. He barely even got up to use the bathroom because he felt so shitty.

 

It was late afternoon when he felt like he couldn’t sleep anymore because his lungs were burning far too much. He started coughing.

 

“Kageyama,” Hinata called. “Are you okay?”

 

He held up a single finger, telling Hinata to wait a second because the coughing would stop eventually, like it always did. He glanced over, still nearly hacking up his lungs, and saw Hinata looking at him wide eyed.

 

That’s when Kageyama felt the pain, it was a different pain than he normally felt, a more extreme tightness in his chest than usual,and he knew something was wrong. His head was beginning to pound from the constant coughing to the point where he began to see stars, blurring his vision as he reached for his remote. Hinata beat him to it, grabbing his own remote and frantically pressing the button that would summon the nurse into their room.

 

The last thing Kageyama heard before he blacked out was Hinata crying.

 

Kageyama just barely came back to consciousness when there was a tube in his throat- a tube he knew all too well. The feeling of having a machine breathe for you was panicking, but Kageyama barely had time to freak out because he fell back asleep.

 

When Kageyama woke next, the tube was gone. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out for, but the light was blinding when he opened his eyes. He groaned, bringing a tired hand to his face.

 

“Kageyama?” He looked to his right and Hinata was sitting up, looking at him eagerly. “Are you okay? How do you feel? Do you want me to call-“

 

“I’m fine,” Kageyama croaked, throat sore from the breathing tube. “It happens.”

 

Suddenly, Hinata’s face scrunched up and there were tears running down his cheeks.

 

“You died,” Hinata sobbed. “You died, and they had to bring you back! You-You’re not supposed to die before me!”

 

Kageyama raised his eyebrows. Did he really flatline? That would explain why he felt shittier than usual. He assumed his lung had collapsed again- which happened nearly every time he got sick. He’s only ever flatlined twice before- three times, now.

 

Also, how could Hinata so carelessly say that he was supposed to die first? Did he even care that he was dying?

 

Hinata continued to cry and Kageyama didn’t say anything. The redhead eventually calmed down and a nurse came in to check on them and informed Kageyama that his lung did, in fact, collapse, and that he’d been asleep for four days.

 

His mother came to see him as soon as she heard he’d woken up and he could tell she hadn’t been sleeping because of the dark circles around her eyes. She insisted that she was fine and he should only be worrying about himself.

 

She fell asleep leaning on his bed and Kageyama found that he was the only one awake. He was in pain, because they had to release the pressure in his lung and now breathing hurt more than it usually did, but he was just glad that his mom was getting some sleep. Hinata muted the TV and put on the captions so he could still watch and Kageyama silently thanked him.

 

The next few hours were a blur. Kageyama’s mom went home at some point and it got dark out, but Kageyama was still awake because he couldn’t get comfortable. Hinata fell asleep, but Kageyama heard him groan.

 

“You alright?”

 

Hinata just groaned again before he started making choking sounds, and Kageyama knew he was seizing again. He called the nurse in and the light was turned on while they made sure he was stable.

 

The difference was that this time, Hinata started crying after he woke up. They were heavy, wet sobs that sounded exhausted and even though the nurses tried to console him, he didn’t stop.

 

“Why are you crying, idiot?” Kageyama snapped.

 

“I-I don’t- I don’t- know!”

 

His sobbing continued and Kageyama sighed. The doctor ended up calling Hinata’s mom- who Kageyama rarely saw, for some reason- and she and Hinata talked until he was calm. Kageyama wanted to make some snide remark about how he needed his mother to keep him from crying, but he couldn’t because there were times when he, himself, felt so bad, all he wanted to do was cry.

 

Kageyama’s illness cleared up in a couple of days and he was able to go and socialize more. He walked out and sat next to Suga.

 

“Hey, Kags!” Suga exclaimed. “Heard you were sick! For a second I thought you were going to end up like Ken- Ow!”

 

“Suga,” Daichi said after hitting his arm. “Do you remember what we said about thinking before we speak?”

 

Suga pouted, crossing his arms. “Fine.”

 

“I’m glad you’re better,” Daichi said. “I hope Hinata didn’t catch whatever you had. Fevers tend to make his seizures worse.”

 

“Guys!” Tanaka came barreling down the hallway. “Guys! Guess what!”

 

“Hey, you scared Asahi!” Nishinoya yelled. “He could’ve died!”

 

Tanaka calmed down a bit. “Okay, Asahi, are you ready for this? Because it’s pretty awesome!”

 

“Oh, God,” Asahi said, taking a deep breath. “Sure?”

 

“There’s a kidney on the way for me!”

 

The boys broke into whoops and cheers and Kageyama found himself smiling because Tanaka had been on dialysis for such a long time, but he’d stayed so positive and all of this had finally paid off.

 

The first thing Kageyama did was run- well, walk briskly- to his room to tell Hinata. He needed something to cheer him up after staying in his room for so long. He entered the room and called Hinata’s name.

 

“Hey, guess what,” Kageyama said.

 

Hinata looked over at him, mouth slightly agape and eyebrows raised in concern. Kageyama paused, staring at him and Hinata continued to stare back.

 

“Are you okay,” Kageyama asked.

 

Hinata brought up a hand to point at him. “Who...”

 

He trailed off and a look of recognition situated itself on his face, barely a second before he brought his hands up to cover his face.

 

“Oh, sorry, Kageyama,” Hinata said, bringing his hands down. “I don’t know why I did that. What were you going to say?”

 

Kageyama breathed out. “What the hell was that? Why didn’t you know who I was?”

 

Hinata’s eyes widened. “I-I guess it’s because of the tumor? I’m not sure, really. It’s never happened bef-“

 

Before Hinata could finish, Kageyama left the room and found a nurse at the nurse’s station, telling her exactly what happened. She came in and asked Hinata a bunch of questions, and he was able to answer all of them, but they decided to take him up to radiology for some scans anyway.

 

On his way out, Hinata gave Kageyama a glare. Kageyama glared back, but it hurt. He knew he did the right thing, telling Hinata’s doctor about his memory issues, but doing so also meant admitting that he was getting worse.

 

Why did people like Hinata have to get sick? What came from that? Why did he have to get a brain tumor that stripped him of his independence and would certainly kill him? Where was the good?

 

Where was the silver lining?


	4. Fairly Local

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for the wait!

“Hey, dumbass,” Kageyama called. “Don’t you want to know what I was going to say earlier?”

 

Hinata didn’t respond. He’d been staring at the TV ever since he got back from radiology, refusing to say a word to Kageyama.

 

“It’s Tanaka,” he said. “A kidney is coming for him. He’s going into surgery soon.”

 

At that, Hinata looked at him. “Really?”

 

Kageyama nodded. “He said that if all goes well, he could go home within the week.”

 

A sort of satisfied look appeared on Hinata’s face. “That’s good.”

 

The look was brief, because the scowl he’d been sporting for a while now soon reappeared.

 

“I’m still not talking to you,” Hinata insisted.

 

Kageyama scoffed. “Whatever.”

 

They both looked over when there was a knock on the door. Suga stood in the doorway, an awkward smile on his face.

 

“Hiya, Hinata,” he said. “Quick question- what does it feel like when you have a seizure?”

 

Hinata raised an eyebrow. “I-I don’t really know how to describe it... It’s this... Weird feeling, I guess? I usually get this really scared feeling when I feel one coming on, but that’s just me. Why?”

 

Suga nodded. “No reason.”

 

He turned and walked out the door but when he reached the hallway, he caught his hand on the doorframe and slid down to the floor. Kageyama didn’t even have to yell because a doctor was by his side immediately. He could hear Daichi arguing with a nurse, trying to get through, but everyone was ushered back to their rooms soon.

 

Kageyama looked back and Hinata was sat up straight, looking near tears.

 

“I’ve never seen anyone have a seizure before,” he said. “Is that what I do?”

 

“No,” Kageyama replied. “You get shaky... and choke sometimes. Like in the movies.”

 

Hinata just nodded. “I hope that doesn’t start happening to him regularly.”

 

Kageyama hummed in agreement.

 

Later that night, Daichi knocked on the door. Hinata was asleep so Kageyama pressed a finger to his lips before beckoning Daichi into the room.

 

“Tanaka’s out of surgery,” the older boy said quietly. “He’s back in his room and he hasn’t woken up much, but his parents said he should be fine. Just wanted to keep you guys in the loop.” He pointed to Hinata. “Will you tell him when he wakes up?”

 

“Sure,” Kageyama replied. “How’s Suga?”

 

“They took him back for more scans,” Daichi said. “Apparently the hospital got a new pediatric neurosurgeon, and he wants to see scans of tougher cases. He might take a look at Hinata, too.”

 

“Does he think he can do anything about their tumors?” Kageyama felt a surge of excitement.

 

“He told us not to get our hopes up,” Daichi clarified. “There have been flashy new doctors before him that have made promises they can’t keep. I would hate for Suga and Hinata to be disappointed again.”

 

Kageyama nodded and Daichi pursed his lips, walking off down the hallway.

 

The next day, Kageyama woke when Hinata threw a pillow at him.

 

“You snore,” he whined. “Do something about it.”

 

Kageyama scowled. “Well you have seizures in your sleep. Do something about it.”

 

Hinata sent him a glare and rolled over, stubbornly pulling the blankets over his head.

 

He didn’t go back to sleep after that. It was late enough in the morning that he felt like staying up was reasonable. Hinata, though, went right back to sleep.

 

It was another boring day, even when Hinata did wake up. Being stuck in a room all day every day with the same person can make you run out of things to talk about. Oikawa and Iwaizumi had volleyball everyday, so it was hard for them to come visit. Hinata almost never had visitors, much to Kageyama’s amazement. Who wouldn’t want to visit him? If Kageyama wasn’t with him all the time, he’d certainly come and visit.

 

Late afternoon was when Hinata’s seizures were the worst. He’d sometimes have four or five in the afternoon alone. So, when he started seizing a little while after dinner, Kageyama wasn’t surprised. The nurses came into the room and got him lying flat on his side, doing their best to make sure he didn’t choke. It was a normal thing, so Kageyama wasn’t freaked out about it like he was the first time-

 

Until the seizing stopped and he heard someone say that Hinata wasn’t breathing.

 

“Get a crash cart,” a doctor said in a hurried voice.

 

Kageyama watched them begin doing compressions and started having trouble breathing, himself. He could tell it was just panic setting in, but that didn’t make calming down any easier.

 

“Clear!” One of the doctors shouted and Kageyama saw Hinata’s body jolt with a shock that would hopefully get his heart beating again.

 

It didn’t. They continued CPR and a nurse closed the curtain around his bed.

 

“Wait,” Kageyama breathed. “Wait, is he...?”

 

No one answered but Kageyama heard them shock him again. Then there was a small choking noise- probably the air flooding back into Hinata’s lungs- and hysterical coughing.

 

“Hinata,” someone soothed. “We’re going to give you this oxygen mask, okay?”

 

There was a strangled noise that sounded like a mix between a hack and a sob, followed by a choked voice.

 

“Where am I?”

 

“You’re at the hospital, Hinata, you’re sick.”

 

There was crying that came next, words that Kageyama couldn’t make out. He felt his chest tighten even more as he heard the doctors trying to soothe Hinata and keep him calm.

 

Hinata said something that sounded like, “I don’t know what’s going on,” but it was mostly sobbing and coughing.

 

“I’m going to give you something to help you go to sleep,” someone said.

 

Eventually Hinata’s whimpering and wheezing died down and he was asleep. The staff muttered things quietly to each other before they opened the curtain back up and a nurse walked toward his bed.

 

“I know you’re worried,” she said. “When he wakes up he might feel better.”

 

Kageyama only nodded and she left the room.

 

Hinata didn’t wake up for the rest of the day. It was late the next day that he awoke and he didn’t say much when he did. He just looked over at Kageyama.

 

“Hey,” the raven haired boy said. “How-How do you feel?”

 

Hinata licked his lips. “Thirsty,” he said.

 

Kageyama pressed a button on his remote and a nurse was in immediately. She, in turn, called the doctor, and after everyone checked Hinata out they finally gave him some water. After he woke up a bit more, they went to schedule him at radiology and they were, once again, left alone.

 

“Hurts, doesn’t it,” Kageyama asked, seeing the discomfort on Hinata’s face. “Your chest.”

 

Hinata nodded. “Hurts to breathe.”

 

“It’ll go away in a couple of days,” Kageyama said. “Unless they broke your ribs- but they weren’t doing compressions for too long so they might not have.” Hinata was silent again. “Has that ever happened before?”

 

“No,” Hinata said. “This is... This is new.”

 

“What are they doing about it?”

 

Hinata stared. “What? What do you mean?”

 

“What treatment are you getting?”

 

“Kageyama, I’m...” He hesitated. “I’m not getting any treatment. I thought you knew?”

 

Kageyama scowled. “Wait, what? You’re just... Giving up?”

 

“It’s not like I haven’t tried,” Hinata said, emotion flowing into his voice. “I went through almost a year of chemo and radiation, but nothing worked. No surgeons would touch it and the chemo was killing me faster than the tumor, so we stopped treatment. So, yes, I gave up.”

 

“Well there’s a new neurosurgeon,” Kageyama said. “They just hired him and he’s reviewing Suga’s case, maybe he’ll review yours, too.”

 

“I’m not going to get my hopes up,” Hinata said. “You shouldn’t, either.”

 

Kageyama did, anyway.

 

He didn’t care if it was a bad idea.


	5. Holding Onto You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot of things happen in this chapter

“Guys!” Suga came running into their room, a wild look in his eyes. “Guess what!”

 

“What?” Hinata said eagerly.

 

“The new neurosurgeon said he can do something about my tumor!” Suga smiled. “He said that it’s a risky surgery, but if I don’t do it I’ll die, anyway, right? So I’m doing it and if it works, I just need to do some radiation and then I’ll be better! How cool is that?!”

 

“Oh my God, Suga!” Hinata held out his arms and Suga ran into them, embracing him. “I’m-I’m so happy for you!”

 

“It’s crazy,” Suga said. “Because soon, I won’t be seeing things! Like right now, I’m pretty sure there’s no way birds are actually flying around your room, but soon they won’t be there, and it’s so weird! Like, I’m almost sad, you know? The birds have been there for months, and suddenly they’ll be gone! Oh- maybe I’ll get a real bird when I go home!”

 

“You should,” Hinata said. “When’s the surgery?”

 

“Tomorrow morning,” Suga replied. “They want to do it as soon as possible so the tumor doesn’t grow any more. I can’t wait to get this thing out of me!”

 

“Me neither,” Hinata replied. “Does everyone else know?”

 

“Not everyone.”

 

“Go tell them!” Hinata’s smile was wide as Suga ran from the room.

 

Kageyama stared. “So... Do you think-“

 

“No, Kageyama,” Hinata interrupted. “No, he probably can’t do anything about my tumor.”

 

Kageyama sighed. “Whatever.”

 

Just then, there was a knock on their door. A doctor walked in, one they’d never seen before.

 

“Hello, boys,” the man said. He pointed to the redhead. “I assume you’re Hinata? Would you like to talk in private or is it alright if your roommate stays?”

 

“He’s fine where he is,” Hinata said.

 

“Good,” the doctor said. “I’m the new head of pediatric neurosurgery, Dr. Hisashi, and I was just reviewing your scans. I might have a plan, a new course of treatment- but I need to get some more up-to-date scans before I make any decisions. Is that alright with you?”

 

Kageyama saw the uninterested look on Hinata’s face. “Sure.”

 

“You’re already scheduled for later today,” the doctor said, heading towards the door. “I don’t want to make any promises until I am absolutely sure, but I think I might be able to help you. I’m not going to rest until I’ve done everything I possibly can.”

 

Hinata nodded and Kageyama saw his expression soften as the doctor left the room. He turned and caught Kageyama looking, situating the hard look on his face once more.

 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Kageyama,” Hinata said, pointing a finger at him. “Seriously.”

 

—

 

The rest of the day was uneventful up until night fell. Kageyama showered, enjoying the fact that there was no shortage on hot water until Hinata yelled for him to hurry up. He got out, sending Hinata a halfhearted glare that was returned and Hinata got up to shower, himself.

 

Things were fine until Kageyama heard the water turn off. The sound was followed by the creak of the shower door opening followed by a distinct slipping noise, a yell, and a thud.

 

“Hey,” Kageyama said, sitting up. “You alright?”

 

Hinata didn’t answer. He groaned and then Kageyama heard the familiar sound of him seizing and he yelled for a nurse to come in. Someone did and they ran into the bathroom, calling someone else in and waiting the seizure out.

 

When he stopped, Kageyama heard the sound of retching and vomiting and winced, knowing that Hinata was probably beyond embarrassed and uncomfortable. He heard crying and the nurses struggling to get him dried off and cleaned up and saw them close the bathroom door while they attempted to get him dressed. They came out of the bathroom carrying him back to his bed and Kageyama saw the blood on his forehead that they still had yet to bandage up.

 

A long time went by before Hinata was situated back in his bed and the puke was cleaned up and his head was bandaged. The doctors had finally finished asking him questions about how he felt, why he fell, and if he remembered anything. Once they were alone, Kageyama stared at him and Hinata stared back.

 

“Are you-“

 

“This is why I don’t want to get my hopes up,” Hinata interrupted. “This is why I don’t want to get scans or think about how I’m losing my memory. I’m... I’m terrified,” he cried. “I’m terrified of what’s going to happen to me. I’m terrified because there’s going to be a time where I don’t remember who you are or who I am. There’s going to be a time where I won’t be able to feed myself, or- or take a damn shower even with a shower chair. I’m sick of people and their hope that it will get better when it never will.”

 

Kageyama was silent then. He didn’t know what to say as Hinata rolled back over and went to sleep. What was there to say? Hinata was dying. He was actually dying and even if Kageyama didn’t want to believe it, Hinata had already come to terms with it and he didn’t need false hope.

 

The next morning, word got around quick when Suga went into surgery. Everyone was praying to whatever God may exist that it would go well and as the hours passed without update, everyone got more and more anxious.

 

Late in the afternoon, Daichi spread the word that he was out.

 

“They got the whole tumor,” he said. “And now he just has to do some more radiation to make sure it doesn’t come back. He’s in the ICU for recovery now, but he‘ll probably end up back around here later.”

 

There were sighs of relief around the common room and Kageyama felt the pressure in his chest release. This was just more proof that there was hope for Hinata, dammit, no matter how bleak it seemed.

 

“I’ll go tell Hinata,” Kageyama said, walking back to his room. He entered and saw the redhead watching TV. “Hey, Suga is out of surgery,” he informed. “They got the whole tumor.”

 

Hinata looked over and Kageyama saw that his eyes were filled with tears.

 

“W-What’s wrong?”

 

“The doctor came back,” Hinata said in a shaky voice. “He wants to try and-“ his voice broke. “-And remove my tumor.”

 

Kageyama felt his eyes widen and brought his hand up to his face. He unintentionally gasped and it resulted in a coughing fit that forced him to sit down.

 

“Don’t kill yourself over it,” Hinata yelled. “Jeez, it might not even work! Calm down!”

 

Kageyama caught his breath and made his way over to Hinata. In his ecstatic state, he threw his arms around the ginger.

 

“I told you it would be okay,” he said.

 

Hinata slowly put his arms around Kageyama in return. “It might be.”

 

Later, Hinata explained that the doctor wanted him to do some aggressive radiation therapy for a couple of weeks before he would proceed with the surgery. It made Kageyama queasy, because he’d heard how radiation can affect people, but he’d take that over losing Hinata any day.

 

When radiation started, Hinata was happy to get out of the room more. The transport team came and took him downstairs and Kageyama was alone for a short time. He wanted to visit Suga, but he was still in the ICU and the blue eyed boy wasn’t allowed to go there. Rumor had it he was still asleep, anyways.

 

“The surgery was major, so it makes sense for him to be out for a while,” Daichi said. “That’s what his parents say, at least.”

 

Here Kageyama sat, Hinata in his first round of radiation, leaving him alone. He liked the quiet, the only sound being the air pumping into his tubes, but it was interrupted with Kageyama’s doctor walked in.

 

He didn’t look happy.

 

“How are you feeling, Kageyama?”

 

“Uh, fine, I guess. What’s going on?”

 

“You’re not doing as well as we’d hoped you’d be at this point,” he said. “I’d like to get some more imaging and labs.”

 

Kageyama scowled. “Do I have to do a peak flow?”

 

The doctor looked at him sympathetically. “Sorry,” he said, handing him the instrument.

 

He hated having to blow and strain his lungs more than necessary. It surely didn’t help his condition.

 

When he got back from his scans, Hinata was back. He had this kind of bright- though tired- look on his face.

 

“Where were you,” the redhead asked.

 

“Scans,” Kageyama said. “Apparently I’m not doing well. I don’t know, I don’t really feel that much different.”

 

Hinata frowned. “Oh.”

 

“How’d radiation go?”

 

“It went well,” he replied. “I have a pretty bad headache, but it’ll be worth it once the surgery is done. Have you heard anything about Sugawara?”

 

“I think he woke up,” Kageyama said. “His parents say he’s not feeling great, though. He’s having trouble speaking and moving and stuff because there’s swelling in his brain, or something.”

 

Hinata winced. “That sucks. I hope he feels better soon. I really want to tell him about my surgery.”

 

Seeing Hinata becoming more optimistic was great, because he’d spent so much time not even daring to have hope that it was refreshing to see him finally hoping again.

 

Later that day, Kageyama’s doctor came back in. He wore an unhappy look on his face once again.

 

“Has your mom come yet?”

 

Kageyama raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t even know she was-“

 

“I’m here,” came a voice from just outside the door. His mother stood there, holding her purse. “What’s this about?”

 

“Sit,” the doctor said, closing the curtain between Kageyama and Hinata.

 

Kageyama stole one last glance at the redhead and saw him with a fearful look in his eye. The reality of the situation set in.

 

“I’ve looked at your scans and you have a mass the size of a walnut on your left lung,” the doctor said. Kageyama saw his mother tense. “I don’t want you to be alarmed,” he continued. “It could be totally benign. I’d like to remove it and send it out just to be sure- preferably soon, to make sure it doesn’t grow.”

 

“Could- Could it be,” his mother stammered. “Could it be cancer?”

 

“It could,” the doctor said, pursing his lips. “But it could not be. We can’t be sure until I can get in there. How’s this Friday for the biopsy?”

 

Kageyama felt his chest tighten as he nodded. His mother nodded as well and the doctor left, Kageyama frozen in place while tears fell from his mother’s eyes. He looked up at her.

 

“It’ll be okay,” he said. “If anything, this will just put me higher on the transplant list. I’m sure it’s not cancer, anyway.”

 

“You’re right,” his mother said, wiping her tears. “This might be a blessing in disguise.” She brought a hand up to smooth down his hair. “Even if it is cancer, you’re my brave, strong boy. You can fight it, I know you can.”

 

Kageyama smiled while he felt a lump form in his throat.

 

He didn’t want to have to fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how good this story is tbh. things are just coming out of my head and onto my phone (bc my old computer doesn’t like AO3) so idk


	6. Tear In My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so a lot has been going on recently. it’s made writing- especially this particular story- hard. i barely have the next chapter planned out but i have something in mind.

Two days went by. Two days of anxiety for Kageyama and radiation for Hinata. The redhead’s hair was thinning already and it was beginning to take its toll, slowly but surely. Kageyama was irritable and declined visits from Oikawa and Iwaizumi. He didn’t make much conversation because he could barely think. All that went through his mind were thoughts telling him that he was getting closer and closer to death.

 

The only visitor Kageyama talked to was Tanaka. He came in with a wide smile on his face and his hands in his pockets- the pockets of normal jeans.

 

“I’m going home,” he said. “I just wanted to say goodbye. I’ll be back to visit soon.”

 

Hinata stretched out his arms and Tanaka hugged him. He came and patted Kageyama on the shoulder.

 

“Let me know when you figure things out,” he said. “You have my number. Talk to me if you need to.”

 

Kageyama nodded and the older teen left.

 

“You know you’ll be okay, right?” Hinata said. “Like you said, this might end up putting you higher on the transplant list.”

 

Kageyama sighed. “I know. I just... I don’t want to...” He trailed off.

 

“You don’t want to end up like me, right?” Hinata said, catching Kageyama off guard. “You don’t want to end up with a terminal diagnosis after going through hell for so long. I get it, but I know you can get through it, whatever it may be. I’ll be here to help you.”

 

“How can you be sure?”

 

Hinata was silent for a moment. “Excuse me?”

 

“How do you know you’re going to be here, huh?” He needed to stop talking. Right now. “How do you know they’re not going to kill you in that surgery, or maybe they’ll mess up and you’ll end up a vegetable. Or-Or maybe they won’t even be able to do anything. You said it yourself: it probably won’t get better.”

 

The look on Hinata’s face was one of horror.

 

“Kag-Kageyama,” he said quietly, voice cracking.

 

“Alright, Kageyama!” They both turned to the doorway and saw Kageyama’s doctor standing there. “Are you ready to head to the OR?”

 

He nodded and they got going, leaving a crying Hinata behind.

 

—

 

The first thing Kageyama was aware of was the searing pain in his chest whenever he tried to inhale. He wanted to just stop breathing so it would be less painful, but he knew that wasn’t realistic.

 

“Tobio,” came his mother’s voice. “How do you feel?”

 

He tried to tell her that it hurt, but his throat was killing him and his mouth was dry and everything just hurt so much. She seemed to understand because she asked the doctor if there was anything else they could give him, but the answer was no.

 

Once he woke up more, Kageyama tried to speak. His voice was scratchy and breathy.

 

“How d-did it go?”

 

“They got all of it,” his mother said. “But they took out a small part of your lung to do some testing. There’s a tube in your chest draining the blood.”

 

At that, Kageyama wanted to cry. The idea of something sticking out of his chest like that was nauseating and he wanted it out.

 

Kageyama looked around. He wasn’t in his normal room, he was in one that was far more crowded with machines and had a glass door looking out to the nurse’s station. He was in the ICU.

 

They kept him pumped full of pain meds and allowed him to sleep for a while, which was great until he had to wake up again. All he wanted to do was stay asleep until he healed.

 

The next morning they were able to take out the tube in his chest- causing a painful pulling sensation when the tube came out past his ribs. His mom held his hand and he was embarrassed at first, but the pain made him glad to have something to squeeze.

 

When they found that he was stable and there was no more bleeding, Kageyama was moved back to his old room- with Hinata. When he was steered inside, he saw the redhead and avoided eye contact. Hinata, himself, rolled over when he came in. They were left in uncomfortable silence for a while. Kageyama must have fallen asleep and woken up at some point without realizing it, because time passed quickly. Eventually, he couldn’t take the quiet anymore.

 

“Hinata,” he said in a raspy voice. “I’m sorry.” The redhead didn’t answer. “I was just... Just scared.”

 

Hinata rolled over to face him. “I want to forgive you,” he said. “But I’m not ready. What you said... It really hurt.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Kageyama said.

 

“I know. Thank you.”

 

That would have to satisfy Kageyama for now because he couldn’t expect Hinata to forgive him just yet. Not after what he said.

 

Later that day, there was a knock on their door and Kageyama’s doctor came in.

 

“Kageyama,” he said. “I have good news. Your tumor was benign. Totally non-cancerous.”

 

He felt himself let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He closed his eyes and couldn’t help when he felt tears flood them.

 

“You’re going to be okay,” the doctor said. “Just rest for now.”

 

He did. He rested easy because there was nothing to worry about anymore. He was fine. He was going to live.

 

The next time Kageyama was awake and aware, Hinata was in the middle of a seizure. Kageyama felt bad for him, especially when he started to cry once he was awake. The next day or so was quite a blur, but he was recovering well and eventually was able to function like he was before. It was then that Hinata spoke to him again.

 

“Kageyama,” he said. “You know that this is the first little bit of hope I’ve had in almost a year, right?”

 

The blue eyed boy nodded. “Yes.”

 

“Deep down I know it’s risky and unrealistic,” Hinata stated. “But... I need some reason to wake up in the morning. I need some reason to try. Some reason to- to get out of bed when I can.” His voice broke. “You-You took that away from me. I’m still getting this hope back because I know I’ll probably die anyway, I know that. I just... I need something to hold onto.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama said in a wavering voice. “God, I’m so sorry. I had no excuse, I want to... I want to take it all back.”

 

Hinata sighed, wiping away his stray tears. “You were scared,” he said. “I can forgive that. I know you were scared.”

 

“Thank you,” Kageyama whispered. “Thank you so much.”

 

There was a knock on the door and in walked Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

 

“Yo,” Oikawa drew out. “How’s it going? I heard the good news for both of you!”

 

Iwaizumi elbowed him. “Calm down and stop yelling. This is a hospital. How are you guys?”

 

“Good,” Kageyama said. He glanced at Hinata. “Really good.”

 

“I’m glad to hear it!” Oikawa exclaimed.

 

They made small talk until visiting hours were over and honestly, though Kageyama would never admit it, it was good to see their faces.

 

They kept visiting, day after day, since they had a break from volleyball. Once, Tanaka visited. He said he was doing well and that his kidney was functioning perfectly.

 

Suga even visited. He looked great and said he felt even better.

 

“The birds haven’t come back,” he said enthusiastically. “I’ve been doing some radiation just to make sure nothing is left, but they said I can go home tomorrow and do it outpatient.”

 

Hinata beamed at him. “That’s great news,” he said. “You have to come and visit though, okay?”

 

Suga nodded before heading back to his own room.

 

That very same day, tragedy struck.

 

It was quiet on the ward. Kageyama was dozing off when he heard faint but frantic beeping and saw people running down the hallway. He heard some yelling and decided that he needed to get out of bed and see what the hell was going on. He poked his head out the door and saw people running into the room a few doors down from theirs.

 

Nishinoya and Asahi’s room.

 

He heard yelling and the sound of paddles being charged and looked over to where Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were peeking out of their own room. They made eye contact and Kageyama knew what was going on. It was what they’d been expecting for some time.

 

The sounds coming from the room went on for a long time before a boy was being rushed from the room, the sound of yelling trailing behind them.

 

“What’s going on,” Hinata urged from his bed. “What’s wrong?”

 

Kageyama looked back at him.

 

“It’s Asahi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’ll probably be a bit of a wait again i’m sorry :)


	7. A Car, A Torch, A Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

When Asahi, being pushed away by doctors, disappeared, everyone was quiet. It was a somber time and all that could be heard was Nishinoya crying and coughing from his room.

 

“It’ll get him higher on the transplant list,” Kageyama said. “It-It will.”

 

“Not if he dies on the table,” Tsukishima said. “Or if his organs start shutting down.”

 

Yamaguchi elbowed him and he scowled a bit, turning and going back into the room. Kageyama turned and looked at Hinata, who was sitting on his bed with his hands by his face.

 

“He’ll be okay,” Kageyama said. “I was okay, you’ll be okay, and he’ll be okay, too.”

 

Hinata looked up at him, lip quivering. “How can you be so sure?”

 

Kageyama spluttered. “It’s called hope, you idiot.”

 

They waited. The TV was on to provide some background noise but other than that, it was silent. What was there to say at this point?

 

The rest of the day was tense. Everyone stayed in their rooms and no one talked, for the most part. It was later when they got the news.

 

Azumane Asahi died on the table.

 

—

 

The sky was gray and rain hit against the window. Hinata was under the covers crying, and Kageyama couldn’t blame him. He hadn’t known Asahi for long, but he knew him well enough to know that he was the kindest, gentlest person he’d ever met. Kageyama didn’t think the older boy had a mean bone in his body.

 

He didn’t deserve this.

 

No one deserved this.

 

Silence engulfed the ward, save for the sound of occasional fits of sobbing. It hit Nishinoya the hardest. He and Asahi were close, which made sense since they were roommates.

 

Now it was like Nishinoya was all alone.

 

Daichi requested for him and Noya to be roomed together, but it would take another day or so for the request to be noticed by their doctors. He was certain it would get approved, though- no one should be alone after losing a friend.

 

On the other hand, a date was set for Hinata’s surgery. He was mostly bald now because of the radiation, but he didn’t seem to care. The procedure would take place the following Tuesday- in just six days. Six days of radiation. Six days of anticipation.

 

Six days that would surely be overtaken with grief instead of excitement.

 

Those six days went by painfully slow. After a day or so, Hinata began to get restless. Kageyama woke up one morning to see him attempting to get out of bed on his own.

 

“Whoa,” Kageyama said. “Wait, where are you going?”

 

“I want to see Noya,” Hinata replied, already winded even though he hadn’t even stood up.

 

“Shouldn’t you call a nurse?”

 

Hinata scowled. “No.”

 

Kageyama glared back. “I’m calling a nurse.”

 

He did and a nurse came in soon enough, assisting Hinata- who insisted on walking with his crutches instead of using a wheelchair, the idiot- to Nishinoya’s room.

 

“Do you want to come?” Hinata asked.

 

Kageyama went to stand. “Sure.”

 

They walked ever so slowly down the hall and when they reached Nishinoya’s room, they knocked gently and opened the door slowly.

 

Nishinoya was laying on his bed, actually wearing his oxygen, for once, staring at the TV. He looked over blankly when they came in.

 

“Hey, Noya,” Hinata said shakily as the nurse directed him to a chair. “How are you?”

 

“Fine.”

 

There was a beat of silence, a beat of doubt.

 

“I hear you’re moving in with Daichi,” Hinata tried.

 

“Yeah.”

 

More silence. Hinata was running out of ideas.

 

“Did you hear that Hinata’s having surgery in a couple of days?” Kageyama said.

 

That got Nishinoya’s attention. He actually made eye contact with each of them and there was a small glimmer of happiness on his face.

 

“That’s good,” he said. “I’m glad. I hope everything goes well.”

 

“Me too,” Hinata said with a smile.

 

“Hinata,” came a voice from the doorway. “It’s time for radiation.”

 

He groaned, but got into the wheelchair that was provided for him. Kageyama went back to their room, glad that they got some sort of positive response from Nishinoya. Kageyama has never lost a close friend before, and he didn’t know what to say.

 

He was glad he didn’t know what to say.

 

That’s not to say he didn’t feel bad that he didn’t know how to help- Kageyama wanted nothing more than to help his friend through this tough time. It was just that if he’d known what to say, that would mean he’d experienced something similar before. He’d never experienced loss. The greatest loss he’d felt was when his father left, but his father left by choice. His father didn’t want to stay with him, so it wasn’t hard to let him go.

 

To have someone you love ripped from you too soon... Kageyama didn’t want to know what that felt like.

 

—

 

The days went by and Kageyama wondered how long he’d be trapped in this hospital for. He wondered how long Hinata had already been trapped in this hospital for.

 

Then, the day came. The day of Hinata’s surgery.

 

The redhead was so nervous, he was having more seizures than usual. He said that could happen if he got too emotional. He was excited, but that was obviously muted by the still somber air that was provided by Asahi’s passing.

 

Kageyama watched as they prepped him, finished shaving his head- there was almost no hair left, anyway- and got him changed into a gown. There were a few moments where the chaos stopped and they were alone, just before the transport team was going to come. Hinata turned to him.

 

“Kageyama,” he said in a small voice.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I-I’m...” The redhead gulped. “I’m scared.”

 

“Why?”

 

“What?”

 

“If they do the surgery, what’s going to happen?”

 

Hinata stared. “I could die, you idiot!”

 

“And if they don’t do the surgery?”

 

Silence. Hinata wore this kind of constipated expression before he sighed. “Fine. I guess you’re right.”

 

There was a knock on the door and the doctors stepped in.

 

“Are you ready to go, Hinata?”

 

The redhead nodded and they took hold of his bed, starting to wheel him out. Just as they reached the door, Hinata held up his hand.

 

“Wait,” he said. He looked over at Kagayama. “If I don’t make it out... Don’t forget about me. Okay?”

 

Kageyama smiled. “I could never.”

 

Hinata was taken from the room and once he disappeared, the loneliness Kageyama felt was suffocating.

 

What if it didn’t end?

 

—

 

Several hours later, Kageyama was surprised to see Hinata being wheeled straight into their room. Why wasn’t he in intensive care like Suga was? Maybe it had gone better than they’d hoped! Maybe-

 

“Kageyama?”

 

At the slightly slurred voice, the blue eyed boy looked over to his friend, who was now awake.

 

“Hey,” he said quietly. He called the nurse- they’d probably want to know that he was awake. “How do you feel?”

 

Hinata blinked. “I can’t tell yet.”

 

Kageyama was amazed he was aware and talking so soon. He thought brain surgery was supposed to be hard to recover from?

 

The doctor came in, a... weird look on his face.

 

“Hello, Hinata,” he said. “Is it alright if your roommate stays while we talk about your surgery?”

 

“Yeah,” Hinata mumbled. “Where’s my mom?”

 

“We’ve already updated her,” the doctor said. “She just... Needs some time.”

 

Kageyama felt himself blanch.

 

“What do you mean?” Hinata asked.

 

The doctor winced. “When I got in there, it appeared that your tumor had progressed further than we’d hoped. It was more complex than the scans showed and after a lot of thinking, I decided that there was no safe way to proceed.” Hinata was silent. “I’m sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> despresso


	8. Ode to Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s taken a while and it’s kinda short and a little crappy but here it is

Hinata cried. A lot. It was this weak kind of weep at first that developed into near screaming. Kageyama willed himself not to cry.

 

False hope. Disappointment. This was what Hinata had been afraid of all along.

 

Once he started seizing due to the stress, Kageyama let a few tears slip. He wiped them away quickly because it’s not like it was him receiving the terminal diagnosis all over again, it’s not like it was him having all of his hopes and dreams crushed, having his future ripped from him once again. So why was he crying?

 

He was crying because this was unfair. This was so, so shitty. Why was this necessary? What did anyone do to deserve this?

 

This wasn’t living.

 

There’s no good here. The rest of Hinata’s short life would be lived here in the hospital, seizing and losing his memory until he either died or fell into a coma.

 

There was no silver lining.

 

—

 

Life was uncertain. Everything could change in the blink of an eye. Asahi’s sudden death, the unwanted news that Hinata couldn’t be saved, those were all results of an uncertain future.

 

In a world where death could come at any moment, where nothing was certain, there was one thing Kageyama was sure of.

 

He needed to get out of this room.

 

Hinata wouldn’t talk. He seized, cried, slept. It was a cycle that didn’t end and Kageyama couldn’t take it anymore. The TV could only do so much before they were watching the same reruns over and over with the occasional new episode of some anime that neither of them were invested in.

 

He texted Oikawa. It was a weekend, so he and Iwaizumi actually had some free time. Kageyama needed them to come get him and take him off the ward, even if it’s just down to the cafeteria for five minutes. The older boy said he’d come- thank God- in a bit but until then, Kageyama was still stuck here. Stuck here basically alone, his only company being a sick and depressed-

 

“Kageyama?”

 

The boy looked to his right to where Hinata sat, staring straight ahead. “Yes?”

 

“I-I can’t see.”

 

Kageyama’s eyes widened. “What?”

 

“I can’t see?”

 

It was hesitant and Kageyama was frozen in shock for a moment before he discreetly called in the nurse.

 

“Like, at all?”

 

“I can see colors. Nothing else.”

 

The nurse came in and shone a bright light in Hinata’s mostly unseeing eyes. She called the doctor in and he did the same. They took him away for more scans and when he came back, he seemed groggy.

 

“Where are we,” he asked when the wheelchair stopped moving.

 

“Your room,” the nurse said.

 

“Oh. Kenma? You in here?”

 

Kenma? Wasn’t that Hinata’s old roommate who...

 

“Uh... You mean Kageyama?” The blue eyed boy said.

 

Hinata looked surprised, confused for a minute, then shook his head slightly. “Yeah, sorry, that’s what I meant.”

 

He got himself standing and the nurse helped him get into bed. Kageyama stared, wondering if there would come a day that he wouldn’t recognize Kageyama’s name.

 

There was a knock on the door after Hinata got situated and Oikawa and Iwaizumi walked inside.

 

“Hello, boys!” Oikawa shouted. “How’s about we-“

 

“Who’s there?”

 

Oikawa stopped short at Hinata’s question.

 

“It’s Oikawa and Iwaizumi,” Kageyama answered. He turned to the two. “He’s blind now.” He turned back to Hinata and saw the look of confusion still present on his face. “They’re my friends,” he explained. “Remember, they came and visited us before?”

 

“Oh! Right! Hi guys!”

 

Oikawa looked afraid for a second, but Iwaizumi elbowed him and stepped forward.

 

“Hi, Hinata. Will you be allowed to come with us to walk around the hospital?”

 

Hinata sighed. “Probably not. I don’t think it’s even worth asking. You guys should just go.”

 

Kageyama saw his sad smile and felt it tug at his heart. His friends got him a wheelchair and he got into it, portable oxygen tank situated on his lap as Oikawa wheeled him out of the room.

 

“He’s not doing well,” Iwaizumi observed.

 

“Yeah,” Kageyama said. “In the past couple of weeks, since they tried to take the tumor out... Things have just gotten really bad.”

 

“So they just got in there and gave up?”

 

“Pretty much. They didn’t want to kill him right on the-“

 

“He still doesn’t know who we are,” Oikawa interrupted, distracted. “I could see it on his face. He was just going along with it so he didn’t make anyone upset. He didn’t actually know who we were.”

 

Kageyama looked at the floor. “Figures he’d do something like that.”

 

The point of his trip off the ward was to get away from it all, but he only felt more immersed than before.

 

—

 

Hinata’s hair started to grow back fast. Soon he had a sort of buzzed look, kind of like Tanaka’s shaved style. He looked kind of ridiculous, though. It didn’t suit him nearly as much as it suited Tanaka.

 

One morning, Kageyama had just gotten out of the shower and was greeted with Hinata arguing with the neurology team during their rounds.

 

“No!” He was yelling. “I’m not doing that. I can go to the bathroom on my own.”

 

“Hinata,” the doctor said. “You can’t. You’ve shown that with your blindness and mobility issues you are physically incapable of making it to the bathroom on your own.”

 

“I don’t care.” Hinata insisted.

 

“Too bad,” the doctor said firmly. “I’ve already spoken to your mother and I gave her two options: absorbent underwear- which I know for a fact you won’t like- or a permanent catheter. We decided that because of how you’ve been progressing, the catheter is the better option.”

 

“I hate this!” Hinata screamed. “I hate you and I hate this hospital and everyone in it!”

 

Kageyama awkwardly sat back in his bed, trying not to stare too much while Hinata had a meltdown. The doctor told him he could move to a different facility or to hospice care if he wanted to, but he’d recommend staying since he was somewhere where people knew him in case he had a seizure or got confused. Hinata didn’t respond, only crying until he fell asleep.

 

He’d been doing that a lot lately.

 

Kageyama hated it. He hated listening to him crying, listening to his drastic mood swings- most of which were taken out on Kageyama, himself- but what do you expect from a teenager who’s dying from brain cancer?

 

They ended up giving Hinata a catheter. He fought, but quickly gave up when he realized that he was too weak to keep it up more than ten minutes. When it was decided that he was okay to leave, the doctors and nurses left.

 

“I fucking hate this,” Hinata said. “I wish they did the surgery, even if it killed me. Did you know that there’s this one girl- she was like five or something- who got, like, half her brain taken out? She lived! She fucking lived! She lived without half a brain and I can’t even get my tumor taken out because these doctors are stupid.”

 

“Maybe that was just different,” Kageyama said. “If they could’ve done something, they would’ve. It’s not like they want you to... You know...”

 

“You can just say it,” Hinata said. “Die. It’s not like they just want me to die. I’m dying.”

 

Kageyama looked down. “Yeah.”

 

He always had to remind himself why Hinata was like this. The cursing, the yelling, it was all because of the cancer. It was changing his personality. Hinata wasn’t always like this. He just had bad days.

 

Kageyama’s doctor always asked him if he wanted to change rooms. He always declined. He couldn’t just leave Hinata, blind and confused and alone. He had to see this through to the end.

 

Whatever the end may hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow writers block


	9. Goner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sad things.

The decline was fast. Every morning, Kageyama could see Hinata slip further and further away from reality.

 

He called him Kenma more and more. He asked where he was all the time. He got upset when he got confused. He got even more upset when he realized Kenma had died long ago.

 

Kageyama’s appetite went away as Hinata’s did. The only difference was that one of them was dying, the other was just too upset. Kageyama’s mother urged him over and over again to switch rooms because she didn’t want him around all this death. He refused. He also wondered why she didn’t just put the request in herself if she wanted him to switch so bad.

 

“Kageyama,” Hinata said one morning, when the blue eyed boy didn’t even know the other was awake. “What day is it?”

 

“The twelfth of September.”

 

“September? Are you sure?”

 

“That’s what the board says,” Kageyama replied, looking over to the white board to his right that sported the date and all their information.

 

“Oh.” Hinata said. “I thought... I thought it was still July.”

 

His voice was wavering with what had to be fear. When Hinata was lucid, when he was in his right mind, he sometimes had realizations all over again that he wasn’t going to be around much longer. Kageyama would watch the troubled expression wash over his face.

 

“What do you want to do when you get better?”

 

Kageyama thought. “I don’t know. I’ve been sick so long, I haven’t really thought about after.”

 

“I think you should be a swimmer or something. Put your new lungs to use.”

 

The boy chuckled. “I doubt that.”

 

—

 

Hinata groaned. It was loud and pained and startled Kageyama awake from his nap. Kageyama pried his eyes open and looked over to Hinata’s bed where he was facing towards him, a hand clutching his pillow and his face scrunched up.

 

“What’s wrong with you,” Kageyama asked.

 

“M-M’ head.”

 

“Want me to call someone?”

 

“M-hmm.”

 

Kageyama did. A nurse came in and asked Hinata a bunch of questions and she seemed worried.

 

“Hinata,” she said. “Can you raise your arms above your head?”

 

He tried, but only one of his arms ended up going up. Next, she told him to smile and after that, she seemed satisfied.

 

“I’m going to get the doctor on call,” she said.

 

She walked towards the door and said something to someone outside before coming back in.

 

“Hinata, I don’t want you to panic, but I think you’re having a stroke.”

 

”What?” Kageyama didn’t plan on saying it until it was already said. “W-Will he be okay?”

 

More people came into the room and one of them closed the curtain, ignoring his question. Today couldn’t be the day. This couldn’t be what killed Hinata. It couldn’t just end with a groan and a couple of words. There were things Kageyama hadn’t said yet. He wasn’t ready to be alone.

 

He didn’t want to fight alone.

 

They took Hinata from the room eventually and Kageyama wasn’t sure how long he was gone or what they did. It felt like he was gone forever. By the time he got back, being wheeled back in on his bed, it was dark out, Kageyama listening to the sound of rain hitting the window. When he was all situated, Kageyama was able to see a bandage on the side of Hinata’s neck.

 

While he was staring at the bandage, he didn’t even realize Hinata’s eyes opening.

 

“Y’know,” Hinata said, voice slurred. “With your oxygen tubes, I bet you kinda look like an old man right now.”

 

Kageyama tried not to smile. “Says the teenager who just had a stroke.”

 

Hinata chuckled.

 

“I’m dying,” he sighed.

 

Kageyama frowned again. “I know. You don’t have to keep saying it.”

 

“This is what dying is,” Hinata said. “I’m dying of brain cancer. I’m sixteen. Aren’t these supposed to be the best years of our lives?”

 

“That’s what they say,” Kageyama replied. “But since when have we ever been normal?”

 

Hinata hummed. “What do you think I would have done? If I hadn’t gotten sick.”

 

The thought put a lump in Kageyama’s throat. “I don’t know.”

 

“I always wanted to be an athlete,” Hinata said. “When I was a kid I would run all the time. I’d watch the olympics and end up determined to play every single sport.”

 

Kageyama stared at his hands. He didn’t want to think of what could’ve been.

 

—

 

“Kenma?”

 

It was three in the morning when Hinata’s shrill voice broke Kageyama’s consciousness. The lights were flickering on and off and Kageyama rolled over to find Hinata grasping his remote, pressing buttons on it over and over again.

 

“Kenma? Why don’t the lights work?”

 

“Go to sleep,” Kageyama said. “You’re confused. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

 

“B-But...” He sobbed. “But it’s dark.”

 

“I know, but it’ll be dark anyway when your eyes are closed.”

 

“You’re not Kenma!”

 

“I’m not, but Kenma told me he wants you to get a good nights sleep tonight,” Kageyama lied. “Go to sleep so I can tell him you did what he said to do.”

 

“...Okay.” It was dubious, but it was better than nothing. Soon, Hinata’s soft breathing lulled Kageyama back to sleep.

 

—

 

Kageyama opened his eyes the next morning and sunlight streamed through their window. Hinata was sleeping soundly and Kageyama was just about to go back to sleep when the peace was interrupted.

 

Hinata’s monitors went crazy once again and he was seizing. Nurses came into the room and attempted to stabilize him, but he just kept shaking. It was a normal occurrence now for both of them- Hinata not even waking up in the morning before he was having seizures, Kageyama watching helplessly as he trembled head to toe. Kageyama still got that sinking feeling, though.

 

One that was completely valid. Especially this morning.

 

“He’s crashing,” a doctor said. “Get the paddles.”

 

The curtain was pulled and Kageyama felt the familiar feeling of his chest constricting. He was taken back to the first time this happened- the only other time, really. Back then, Kageyama couldn’t grasp the concept that Hinata was dying, that he was throwing in the towel. It was a foreign idea to him. He never considered that one day he might end up terminal.

 

Kageyama could hear the sound of them shocking Hinata and doing compressions. They kept at it and Kageyama wondered why.

 

Why would they keep putting Hinata through this? He was going to die anyway, so what was the point of keeping him alive now?

 

Eventually he heard the beep of a heart monitor again and it was almost cruel. Why on earth were they doing this?

 

They drew the curtain and Kageyama looked at his roommate, who now had an oxygen cannula just like he did. Soon, Hinata’s surgeon came in.

 

“I’ll call the mother,” he said quietly- he probably thought Kageyama couldn’t hear him. “I think we’re nearing the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working on the last chapter now.


	10. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sad... happy? final.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, folks.

Kageyama was forced to move rooms.

 

It wasn’t his mothers doing- she swore it. It was the doctors. They wanted to give Hinata and his family privacy. Kageyama ended up moving down the hall into Nishinoya and Asahi’s old room.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Kageyama looked over at Hinata from where he was packing his things in a suitcase. The boy was laying back in his bed, large brown eyes staring at him in confusion.

 

“Down the hall,” he said. “They say you need quiet.”

 

Hinata frowned. “Oh. Maybe you’ll see Kenma. If you do, tell him to come back. I miss him.” The ginger used his bony hand and smoothed a part of his sheet. “It was nice meeting you, even though it was only for a little while. I’m glad you get to go home. What was your name again?”

 

“It’s Kageyama,” he said, heart breaking. “And I’m not going home, remember? I said I’m going down the hall. I’ll visit a lot if I’m allowed.”

 

Nodding, Hinata smiled weakly. “Even if you don’t, I’ll always have this to remember you by.” He held up part of his oxygen tubing.

 

Kageyama chuckled. “Yeah. You will.”

 

His mother came into the room with a wheelchair and Kageyama sat in it, letting himself be wheeled to his new room.

 

—

 

Mrs. Hinata was a tired looking woman. Rightfully so, because Hinata once told him that she was raising both of her children on her own, and she had to work two jobs to pay for Hinata’s treatment and hospital expenses. He never blamed her for not visiting him much, because it wasn’t like she didn’t want to. It was out of necessity.

 

Now, though, she didn’t leave his side.

 

Kageyama was walking around the ward one day- the doctors insisted he get some exercise- when he saw her on the phone outside Hinata’s room.

 

“No, Natsu,” she said. Natsu- wasn’t that Hinata’s sister? “I’m not coming home tonight, either. You can have your grandma bring you by tomorrow morning to visit with Shouyou, but honey...” She sniffed. “He’s going to be confused. He’s sick and it’s messing with his brain. So if he doesn’t remember your name or if he thinks it’s a different day, don’t be upset. Okay?”

 

Kageyama felt his lips tug into a frown as his mother came up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and guiding him back to his room. As he was walking away, he heard Mrs. Hinata continue to speak into the phone.

 

“That’s my strong girl. We can get through this.”

 

—

 

Kageyama went to visit the next day. He gently knocked on the door of Hinata’s room and when Mrs. Hinata beckoned him inside, he went in. A small girl was sitting at the foot of Hinata’s bed. She had hair that was wild and red, just like her brother’s.

 

“Shouyou,” Mrs. Hinata said. “You have a visitor.”

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Kageyama,” he announced. “Your old roommate.”

 

“I had a roommate?”

 

The raven haired boy chuckled sadly. “Yeah. You did. Remember? The one with the oxygen tubes.”

 

“Oh. Oh!” Hinata’s face lit up. “Yes. I remember you.”

 

His voice was shaky, like it would give out at any moment. His eyes were hooded and he just looked so frail and tired.

 

The visit mostly consisted of sitting at Hinata’s bedside, making small talk with his mother. The other boy would chime in every once in a while, but it seemed like it took a lot of effort. Eventually, his labored breathing evened out and he was asleep, his thin face slack and peaceful. Kageyama stood.

 

“When he wakes up, tell him I’ll come again soon,” he said. “Thanks for letting me visit.”

 

With that, he took his leave.

 

—

 

Hinata died in his sleep. It was all anyone could’ve asked for. The last thing they wanted was for him to die while violently seizing, or while awake but scared and confused.

 

Kageyama never got the chance to visit him again and even so, he was satisfied. Hinata’s last words to him were that he remembered him, and that was enough.

 

It was Daichi who delivered the news. He came into Kageyama’s room with a quiet knock and a sad smile.

 

“Hey,” he said. “Can I sit?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“So, Hinata...” He trailed off.

 

“He’s gone, isn’t he?”

 

Kageyama asked the question with a slight crack in his voice, but not one of emotion. It was the kind of crack you hear when one doesn’t want to raise their voice too loud, almost like he was afraid Hinata was still alive and would walk through the door with those crutches saying, “you idiot, I’m still here!”

 

“He is.”Daichi looked out the window.

 

Kageyama stared at his hands. Even though he’d been expecting this, it hurt. God, it hurt so bad. He tried to imagine what Hinata must have been like before he got sick- a healthy, energetic kid. He imagined him as an athlete, maybe on a national team.

 

All the things he might have done.

 

—

 

It had been a week since Hinata’s passing. Kageyama hasn’t gone walking on the ward at all. He didn’t want to run into anyone. He was doing a pretty good job so far of staying isolated.

 

That is, until Oikawa showed up.

 

He walked through the door with this kind of subdued smile on his face- the kind of look you’d expect to see from Iwaizumi. The latter walked in with his hands in his pockets.

 

“Hey, buddy,” Oikawa said. “How’re you feeling?”

 

“Fine.”

 

Kageyama directed his gaze towards the window, his jaw set.

 

“Come on,” Iwaizumi said. “Talk to us. Your mom is worried.”

 

“I’ve been here too long,” Kageyama said.

 

“How long have you been here then?” Oikawa asked.

 

Kageyama sighed. “Long enough.”

 

In that moment, something shifted. The planets might’ve aligned, God might’ve been at work, karma might’ve had something to do with it. Kageyama wasn’t sure.

 

It was ironic. The words that had just come out of his mouth lined up perfectly with what came next. Kageyama’s entire team of doctors came rushing into the room, this kind of giddy look on their faces. He sat up straight.

 

“Kageyama,” his surgeon said. “Your mother is on her way. I have good news.”

 

“Do we...” He was afraid to say it. “Do we have a donor?”

 

The doctor nodded. “We have a donor.”

 

The room erupted into cheers and cries and Kageyama was in shock. He felt tears fall from his eyes and buried his face in his hands. Oikawa slung an arm around his shoulders and hugged him.

 

The next thing Kageyama knew, he was being told that both of his lungs would be replaced with donor lungs and that he should be aware of the risks- but he didn’t care because he would be dead soon without them, they were his only chance.

 

Everything between that and being rolled back into the operating room was a blur. He felt that sharp pang of panic just before they pushed the anesthesia because this could be it, he could literally die on the table or soon after.

 

Then he thought of Hinata- a boy who had no fear and who marched on through life even though death was hurtling towards him. If Hinata had taught him anything, it was that he shouldn’t be afraid. Whatever happens, happens.

 

So he gave into the pull of sleep that the sedative offered.

 

—

 

THREE WEEKS LATER

 

A crow was perched outside the window. Kageyama stared at it, and it stared at him. The smell of antiseptic stung Kageyama’s nose. Speaking of his nose, there were no tubes there. The absence of tubes meant good things.

 

The surgery went well. Ten hours in the operating room plus a week in intensive care meant that the success was well deserved. Kageyama was recovering quick, but they wanted to keep him admitted for a while to ensure that he didn’t get sick or reject the lungs.

 

The lungs were his saving grace. Kageyama couldn’t remember the last time he didn’t need oxygen but now, his levels were so good that he didn’t need it anymore. Now, today was the day he’d been looking forward to for the past several months.

 

His mother emerged from the bathroom.

 

“Are you almost ready to go?”

 

“Yeah,” Kageyama answered readily. “I have everything packed.”

 

She smiled. “Good. There’s just one more thing I want to do before we leave.”

 

She dug around in her bag until her hand emerged with an envelope, creased and sealed haphazardly.

 

“What’s that?” Kageyama asked.

 

His mother sat on the bed. “When you were in the bathroom one day, two or so months ago, Hinata handed this to me. He told me to give it to you when I felt the time was right. I think now is a good time.” She placed it in his lap and stood, walking towards the door. “I’m going to get some coffee. I’ll be back in fifteen, and then we can hit the road.”

 

Kageyama watched her disappear and then turned his eyes to the envelope in his hand. He anxiously fumbled with the seal, opening it and taking a deep breath before pulling out the letter inside.

 

The scribbles on it were hard to make out, but Kageyama was just barely able to see what the letter said.

 

_“Kageyama,_

_If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone already. I hope I didn’t give you too much trouble towards the end. If I did, in my defense, I had a brain tumor. I didn’t know what I was doing._

_I hope that by now you have your new lungs. If you don’t, I’m sure you’ll get them eventually. If you’ve been taken off the waiting list because they’ve decided that you can’t be saved, that’s okay, too. It just means we’ll get to see each other again soon, right? Either way, I hope you get some lungs. I told them that if I became brain dead I would give you mine, but apparently I couldn’t because I wouldn’t be a match or something. Whatever it was, it was stupid._

_I suppose you could be sulking right now, like you usually are, wondering how this is fair. You seem like that kind of person. Well, the truth is, it’s not. There’s nothing fair about being diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor or COPD when you’re just a kid- or at all, really. I’m dead, and that’s the truth. You could be dying, too. It’s not fair. There has to be some reason, some great plan for this, right?_

_Things look pretty shitty, that’s fair to say, but there’s one good thing that came from this. One good thing that came from my friends dying, one good thing that came from being in this hospital. You. You, Kageyama. You gave me courage to fight and keep getting up in the morning even though I knew I wouldn’t have many mornings left. So thank you, Kageyama. In all this crap, you made it worth it._

_You were my silver lining.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and sticking around until the end. leave comments to let me know how i did!

**Author's Note:**

> i’m totally not emo btw


End file.
